Advice

These articles provide advice and guidance about getting married, enjoying marital bliss and raising children.

If you want advice on any specific topic that is not covered in these articles, please submit a question, by clicking here.

Back to Advice List
Who makes the decisions?
Some decisions are made by you. Some decisions are made for you. That is life. The quality of a decision doesn't depend on who makes it. It depends on what goes into it. Getting comfortable with decisions made by you as well as others, and owning them makes you a winner in life.

Nature decides what your genes are, how tall you would be, how much melanin is on your skin, etc. But you own them and defend them. Parents decide your name. But you own it and defend it. Parents and the education system decide what you learn and how you learn and when you learn. But you own the result. The place you grow up decides your mother tongue and your friends. But you own them and love them. The economy and chance decide what career or vocation you pursue. But you own it and love it. Nature decides what kind of children you bear and how they fare. But you own them and love them.

However, as you grow up, you want to have a bigger say in the decision. That is natural. But wanting to make the decisions all by yourself alienates you from others and hence from life itself. Whoever is successful in the career or in family life knows how to involve others make the decisions and own them. If you are adamant not to honor other's wishes in what you wear on a given occasion, you basically lack the skill of developing relationships. You will be the victim of it.

The same applies in choosing your life partner. The quality of the choice doesn't depend on who makes it. It depends on what goes into it. You could easily make a poor choice and pick the wrong person for you. That is why there are so many divorces in the world, in spite of an increasing number of men and women choosing their own life partner.

Not involving your loved ones, such as your parents, siblings, and spouse, in your critical decisions, distances you from them and them from you. Relations get thinned down. The thick, intimate conversations will be replaced by thin and peripheral conversations. Your parents and siblings can become as much a stranger as a co-passenger in a train or a plane. Slowly, you could even start detesting their presence and interactions with them.

You may spend all the time and effort to select a life partner with similar backgrounds and interests, but that is no guarantee of a successful marriage. A successful marriage depends on the ability to involve the spouse in decision-making.

This is not to suggest that you should involve others in every decision you make or involve in every decision they make. You should be able to make your own decisions and you should let others make their own decisions. You will have the best quality of life if you:

1) are comfortable making and living by your own decisions
2) let others make their own decisions.
3) are comfortable letting others make decisions for you, or along with you
4) are good at making decisions for others, or along with them.

Freedom and independence, in excess, are no virtues. In excess, they will lower your quality of life. Mastering interactions and inter-dependencies increase the quality of your life. Be the leader in doing so. Foster such a culture around you. Every successful individual, entrepreneur, politician, leader, family man, or family woman knows how to do it. Be one of them.