These articles provide advice and guidance about getting married, enjoying marital bliss and raising children.
If you want advice on any specific topic that is not covered in these articles, please submit a question,
by clicking here.
Back to Advice List
Three things that lead to happy relationships
What is one thing that everyone in this world wants, regardless of age, gender, race, ethnicity, social, or financial standing?
The answer is happiness. There are several factors that contribute to happiness. We will focus on one of them here. This factor applies to people who are mutually dependent on each other, like wife and husband. We feel happy if the other person treats us well. The other person feels happy if we treat him/her well.
Most people complain that the other person is not treating them well, but do not focus on them treating the other person well. Some people, even though they have the intention to treat the other person well, fail to do so, because they are too busy, too shy, or simply do not know how to.
If you are too busy to make your spouse happy, your married life inevitably suffers. You have to do some changes to your life to allocate time for the happiness of your spouse. You have to think about work-life balance, if you are working. You have to think about where the time is slipping through if you are not working.
If you do not know how to make the other person happy, here is some advice. Consider this as a simple three-step process. The first and last steps are on you and the middle step is on the other. The first step is to figure out what makes you happy and express it explicitly in the right manner on the right occasion. Some people ignore this step because they are shy and assume that the other person will/should know what makes them happy. The middle step is for the other person - they should do whatever they could to attend to whatever makes you happy. The last step is that you express your happiness explicitly when the other person does something nice to you. Many people stay quiet when they are happy, but make an issue when they are unhappy. You should not be one of them. Once you express your happiness, the other person gets motivated to repeat the same.
These exact three steps also work in the opposite direction, when the other person performs the first and last steps and you perform the middle step. If you are less shy than the other person, take the initiative to encourage the other person to perform the first step, so that the process starts. You can tell the other person to explicitly express what makes him or her happy.
What makes a person happy need not always be expensive or costly stuff. It could simply be spending time, or listening, or being open, or simply appreciating a dress or a gesture and so on. Married life gives plenty of simple opportunities to make the other person happy, with no financial cost at all, just as you can do so having a nice sex life. You don't have to be rich to be happy. And even the rich, who do not follow this three-step process gets to be unhappy.
This three-step process, once started, creates a nice rhythm that lasts for life. However, some people may have trouble getting started with this rhythm, and some people have a bruised relationships and the rhythm breaks down. This is when personal guidance by a family coach will be extremely valuable. Seek one, if you do not have one.